Today’s mess: Universal Protein 6, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Potato!, parsley.
@mayak Quick question - on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss gravity right now?
What? We have gravity.
Alert: Pod 1, Deck 7 gravity is offline.
@chang did you just TURN OFF GRAVITY IN MY ROOM
It was a hypothetical!
TURN IT BACK ON
I’m floating and my breakfast is floating and this is NOT FUNNY
So, maybe an 8 or 9?
No, Chang does not have direct control over environmental systems.
@ship, why is Pod 1 Deck 7 gravity offline?
Unknown. Running diagnostic.
@xlbo
No, Chang does not have direct control over environmental systems.
CHANG WHAT DID YOU DO
@chang, I would also appreciate an explanation.
Nothing!
wait wait maybe I’m an omnipotent being and I can alter reality via mere suggestion
Concerning.
@chang
wait wait maybe I’m an omnipotent being and I can alter reality via mere suggestion
You are NOT an omnipotent being.
ok ok but what does the big fluffy unicorn in your room think?
WHAT UNICORN?
@ship? Is there a unicorn in Maya’s room?
Negative. There is no unicorn in Maya Kapoor’s quarters.
Is there a unicorn elsewhere on the ship?
Negative.
worth a shot
@ship
Unknown. Running diagnostic.
Preliminary analysis: Vector compensation processor is not responding. Investigating.
@ship power cycle
Acknowledged. Power cycling.
@chang
worth a shot
fuckk
@ship
Acknowledged. Power cycling.
Power cycle complete. Should I continue the diagnostic?
@ship
Alert: Pod 1, Deck 7 gravity is offline.
Pod 1 gravity now online.
@mayak
fuckk
Maya, are you alright? Nothing damaged?
Acknowledged.
@xlbo
Maya, are you alright? Nothing damaged?
I’m fine. Just got Not Potato everywhere.
So on a scale of 1 to 10—
TEN. THE ANSWER IS TEN.
Ship time is now 04:00:00. Now commencing alpha shift.
Alert: System variance detected.
Dorsal Accessway (Section 2) gravity of 0.86 g below nominal.
@ship
Dorsal Accessway (Section 2) gravity of 0.86 g below nominal.
Dorsal Accessway (Section 2) gravity now nominal.
Ship time is now 12:00:00. Now commencing beta shift.
Ship time is now 20:00:00. Now commencing gamma shift.